Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
