can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
