i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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