So drunk its hurt
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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