As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
