Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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