I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
