dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
