I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
