you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
