did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
