I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
