"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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