Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
