chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
