not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sorry about my life...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
