Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
