Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
