i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
