Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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