I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
