Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
