And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
