Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
