I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
