were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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