He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
