i permit you to call me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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