we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
