dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I will be naked everywhere
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
