good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
