You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
