I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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