we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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