he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
