My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
