I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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