I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
