i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
