Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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