I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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