That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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