There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
