Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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