I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
