rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
