dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
