He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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