so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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