I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
